It all started with a picture. In jest, my nephew requested I make a super fancy, madcap cake for a family get–together. At least, I think it was in jest. I interpreted it as a wouldn’t-this-be-funny-to-propose-making-this-impossible-cake kind of suggestion. What else could I do? I had to make the cake. Besides, it REALLY couldn’t be that hard.
Fancy Rainbow Cake from Pinterest
The yummy candy sitting on top looked simple enough. And the Kit-Kat’s ringing the edge? A breeze. And the rainbow layers. The rainbow layers. THE RAINBOW LAYERS! I never knew how perfect layers needed to be for this sort of thing to work.
To make it worse, I can never bake by simply following directions…I always need to mess around. In my excitement to surprise everyone with this fantastical creation, I actually forgot a couple of things:
1. I don’t like to bake. The scientific way the ingredients are meant to react make it close to impossible to improvise, and kitchen improv is my GIFT!
2. I don’t have round cake pans. I bought aluminum, disposable, square pans. How could that matter? It was only the first in a series of grievous misfortunes.
The cake baking was simple. Yes, I used a mix. So what. I knew this was going to be truly an adventure in decorating, so I depended on Betty (Crocker) as I mixed up two boxes of white cake. The instructions stated to weigh the batter, then divide by SIX for the layers. I didn’t do that. Who has a kitchen scale? Instead, I eye-balled the batter in cups, added enormous amounts of various gel coloring, then poured equal amounts into the squares. Oh, quick but topical interruption: Did you know cakes rise far higher in the middle than on the sides? If not, you’re welcome for this tidbit—it could save you a major headache if you ever endeavor into the layer cake business.
So, the completely uneven layers cooled completely. It was now time for the “fun” part. I held layer one, frosted it with one hand while holding it in the other, and placed it on a plate. I repeated this method for the next two layers and placed each on top of the last. I was surprised at the ease of this! That is until I noticed my smooth operation was WAY too good to be true. While balancing one of the frosted layers in my hand, I noticed a crack emerging (quickly) down the middle. Since I only had one free hand and the crack now completely divided the top layer, green cake was now slipping off the side. I temporarily held it in place with my free hand and the wrist of my occupied hand, still balancing the frosted layer. In my temporary insanity, I thought I could use the frosting sort of like mortar and fix the crack, but I was out of hands. Plus, frosting was everywhere. I set down the layer poised to become the new top layer and used my hands to spread frosting in the crack. Completely unappetizing, but they were clean hands. Suddenly, as if the cake became the boss of me, I was holding fistfuls of pieces and parts of the slipping layer.
What the HELL?!
I removed this layer all together. Who knows why I didn’t throw it away, but it was a good thing I didn’t. Should I have taken this as a sign to be done with this foolishness? Probably.
I decided to take what was left of the cake, the cake parts from the destroyed layer, and the two remaining layers and put them away for later. But it was bugging me. So, I took everything back out and decided I would use the messy cake parts as “shims” (you know, those skinny wooden stake-like pieces you put under the short leg of a wobbly table) so I could even out the layers making them straight. AND IT WORKED! I strategically placed cake scraps in places that needed to be evened out, and I completed layers 4 and 5. Phew! I then frosted the whole thing covering the mess that the shims caused and put it in the refrigerator.
When it was time for the M & M’s to top the cake, I opened the fridge to grab the cake. Imagine my surprise when I discovered San Andreas Fault running through my entire cake! I attacked the thing with M&M’s anyway making special efforts not to lose them in the crevice. My salmon-colored cake was not worthy of the Kit Kats.
I now limp away admitting my (temporary) defeat. But, I will be back, Rainbow Cake.
In Case You are Curious 